THE (BATTLE) AXE HAS FALLEN

      My service to humanity is being crowded out by the sheer volume of intrigue and scandal at the shelter. That's just the way it is of late. Last week I gave Doug a padlock for his cleaning-supplies cabinet. Folks outside the kitchen had been helping themselves to his supplies, so he locked them up. I gave him a key for himself and one for the head gatekeeper. The other day, Doug came in to find the lock missing—it had been cut off! Nothing is sacred in that sanctuary.

       Miss Lillian's presence on Wednesday (the usual delivery day) brought mounds of goodies for the pantry. I loaded my goody sack with dozens of packs of gum for the children. There was box upon box of pastries and chips—things we haven't seen in the months she's been gone. That was the upside. The downside was that Lillian failed to order the canned goods that Doug needed, so while lunch today was good, it was concocted on the fly (chicken salad, applesauce, baked beans, and plates of leftovers).

       One day this week, Lillian called Doug and told him to put a frozen turkey on the back porch. He did. Later, Mr. Huggy came cruising through the back door and told Doug, "There's a turkey on the porch." Sometime after that, Lillian came by, collected the turkey and a sack of other foods, and left. She's never had any qualms about helping herself to the food there, but… um… gosh.

       We had two volunteers today. BOB did come back, as he'd said he would, and he contends that he'll come back as long as Doug is working there. He's a nice man. He was in prayerful thought about me "all week" because I don't go to church. Wants me to come to his church. Ooh.

       Our other volunteer was  a student nurse. The local nursing program is requiring their students to work community-service hours as part of their training. I approve!

       The young man was just delightful to be around, and he soaked up everything we were doing. I assigned him to check off names when the homeless group came in, so he could look them in the eye and get a good feel for who those people are. I explained that while the pre-release are quite intelligent and able, our homeless are mostly not. And, good grief… there's a flamer in the group this week. I thought Doug was going to take me to task, threatening to shave his eyebrows next week and draw on some crazy ones—like that homeless fellow. After announcing that plan, Doug walked away from me, swishing his hips from side to side.

       "If you do that, I'm telling your mama!" I said sternly. Doug's just out to get my goat—and for a minute there, he had my goat.

       Angry Mom was in a special rage today when Doug observed her screaming at her boys in the laundry room… with f-this and f-that. So he narced her out to Gatekeeper. Poor Gatekeeper is very young (really cute), and just did not want that duty, but he left his post and told the woman that she could not treat the boys like that, or he would put them out. It's a dirty job.

       My baby and the little girl were there, and were treated with goodies. That little girl is such a sweetheart—she delights in her treats, and the joy comes right back to me… where it belongs… because I'm in church, you know.

       It was hard to sign out, but my job was done and my body was done in. The Christians didn't show up with their bread donations, so we were all disappointed—we'd planned a game of shooting hoops, and it promised to be especially fun because the dumpster is nearly full and a good shot would require skill. Heck.

       Next week—same time, same place. Wouldn't miss it for the world.