Sunday, May 20, 2012

TO HAVE AND TO HAVE NOT


       Joey called on Thursday to say he was not able to procure the ingredients for our green bean casserole, so we scrubbed the whole menu. To my delight, he already had another menu in mind, and it sounded completely pre-fab and easy! I didn't rush in this morning.
       We were making fajitas with precooked chicken strips, shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, shredded cheese, chopped onions, and sour cream. The beauty of it was that the chicken was already heating in the oven, and a pre-release fellow was happy to take care of all of the slicing and dicing!
       We were 36 sack lunches short… so I started on those. When serving time approached, I threw the 72 bagged sandwiches in the fridge, to sack later.
       Only a dozen or so pre-release came—a normal number for them. The picky 300 pounder was front and center. This is her last Sunday at the shelter (!) so I watched her more intensely than usual. She lifted her fajita on one side, picked out all the chicken and put it under the tortilla. Then she moved all the lettuce and tomato away from the bread and meat. "Can I have some more cheese?" she asked. I looked up, ready to help as best I could. "I don't eat lettuce and tomato," she snarled, as if I had been remiss in meeting her needs.
       So I gave her all the cheese she wanted, after she decided exactly where on the plate I should put it. She so obviously does not eat lettuce and tomatoes—OR green beans.
       I refer to this woman as "Angry Woman," not to be confused with "Perpetually Angry Woman," who left some time ago. Joey thinks it's neat that we have special names for some of our clients—he reminded me of Angry Child today and asked if I thought our little blonde fellow might be another Angry Child. I said I didn't think he was angry, but he never hesitates to ASK for more and more of anything I give him. "Needy Child," Joey dubbed him. And so he is. Today, the little darling wanted his "drawing kit" before lunch, and when I gave it to him after lunch, he wanted to know if I had more. One of his drawings is posted on Wendy's gate-keeper window. The kid takes a lot of pride in his work. I do wish that I could fulfill his every drawing desire. Maybe I should try harder; it's just that we have so many children now, and it wouldn't be fair to give one more than another. I told the child, "No. I bring only one each week; I have to buy those."
       His face was blank, as if he thinks I'm a millionaire, buying things is a non-event for me, and he simply could not fill in the blanks. His father seems to have much the same attitude, but perhaps not nearly the talent. I do hurt for both of them.
       My adolescent siblings were present and received the usual goodies. I think they are bored with these things, and I don't blame them, but they are gracious, and so is their mother.
       The babies. Oh, the babies. Don't you just hate it when a story won't wind around in the direction you want it to? When Joey called the other day about our menu, we got into a long discussion of the babies. Joey thinks their father hates him. I don't doubt Joey's diagnosis—he's awfully sensitive and caring; so, when his sensitivity and caring are returned with resentment, he feels it.
       Last week, I made an effort to reach out to the 3-year-old with a smile and some hey-there words, but the child stood too solemnly and without response. "He's like that all the time," his mother complained. Her announcement and the tone of her voice said clearly that she had nothing good to say about this tiny boy—and worse—no hope that HE could change.
       Today I went prepared to observe carefully. Yes, the father is controlling. More than once, plaintive cries drifted back to the kitchen from the dining room. I waited and watched. When the moment seemed perfect, I asked the father if I could give the children some goodies. He nodded. So I took coloring book pages, 4 new crayons, and little Beanie Babies to the twins. I gave the baby girl a McDonald's toddler toy, and for the 3-year-old I had an art kit. It's a black velvet board with white space. The picture is of a Disney Pixar car, and there are four little markers with which to color in the car. I told the child that his siblings were "too little" for this, but that he could have it because he is big. I encouraged him to enjoy coloring in the Tow Mater car. He looked at me, and I expected a blank or even sad expression, but I saw hope. I know, it's fleeting, but I thank him for that… big, rich person that I am… I needed that from the child.
       Broccoli. We had a TON of fresh broccoli to "deal with" today. It was not on the lunch OR the dinner menu. Our volunteer pre-release fellow cut it up, and I offered bowls of it to all takers (to eat with dressing). Not nearly enough of it went away. Joey put some of it in his salad pan for dinner, and I invented a rice, cheese, broccoli casserole for the rest. That meant actually making the cheese sauce, steaming the rice, and assembling the casserole. I was an hour late getting off my feet, but we'll live.
       Before leaving, I got Joey started on assembling the sack lunches from all those refrigerated sandwiches. We didn't have any little baggies of chips, so we were obliged to open huge bags of chips and boxes of cheese crackers, and make "little baggies" of chips. Sometimes, a sack lunch has more love in it than you might imagine.
       Mr. Huggy has returned to work, but with orders to not exert himself. I haven't seen him, but reports are upbeat.
       Joey heard that Angel is not doing well out on his own. I will miss Angel forever. Joey and I agree that some sort of care facility might be good for him, but who ever heard of such a thing for old, worn out, ex-prisoner alcoholics? The man is sick; why should he get better treatment that those who are evil…
       It was very quiet when I left after 1 o'clock. Wendy has a headache; the family room appeared deserted; the front lobby held one lone male; and even the outside had only the babies' father, sitting low with his head in his hands. It's a beautiful day—just perfect in every way—unless you live in a shelter, out of necessity or by assignment. It was several minutes before my foot cramp settled down, my back pain adjusted to being seated and I felt road worthy, but again I drove away feeling guilty.

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