10 POUNDS OF TUNA SALAD

       I never know what Joey will be rustling up when I hit the kitchen door on Sundays. Today he was in the process of opening about 20 large cans of tuna. The $550 can opener is still there, and it's still old and dysfunctional. Joey said a man put a new blade on it while I was away in the winter, but the can opener doesn't work any better. It opens half the can, skips a space, then opens most of the rest of the can. We are left with having to use a hand-held opener for the skipped space (and as I said last week, that poor thing is already on its last legs). But 20 cans! I mean: we spent half an hour doing something that should have taken  5 minutes at most! SUGGESTIONS for getting a new $550 can opener welcome!
       Joey had floors to mop and potatoes to fry, so I took on the tuna salad. I mixed it in one of those way-deep cooking pots, adding spices, chopped onions, relish, and mayo. Shelter kitchens don't usually have such delicacies as celery, so don't give me any credit for the recipe. Again, the dearth of sharp knives was most irritating!
       "One" was minding the door today. He didn't have any new stories for me, but we had time to talk about higher learning.
       Speaking of learning, Joey has vaguely familiarized himself with his two-times table. He took his math book to school and left it there so he could work on it when he is there. He says his teacher is pleased that he is working on math. He says he talks about me a lot in class—WHY can I never be a fly on a wall?
       C&W—we had that, of course. They played a song about "cheatin'" and Joey allowed as how "back in the day" when that oldie was first recorded, cheatin' was something people hid. He added that nowadays they don't hide it. I think he has cheatin' mixed up with playing the field.
       We needed three dozen sack lunches for the fridge. Sometimes I think I might need to be buried with one of those, so they'll recognize me in the next life. And those cookies from Hell that expired last December? They're still giving those out! So I held up a package of them and asked my people, "I'm taking a survey, y'all: Do you like these cookies?"
       They do. They like them. The same cookies I spat into the trash can last week...
       It was me or the cookies. I opened every pack of those cookies we had and put them in lunch sacks until they were all gone. At least I feel better.
       I stayed more than 3 hours. If I could have put on some new legs, I'd probably still be there. Oh! and Joey was asking about piranha today. One said they really don't literally eat people nor were there any in the US. Joey asked where they were, then wanted to know if the Amazon was in Africa. So I told him it was in South America and asked him where is South America. Of course, One was doing his "irritate the teacher" dance, so he had to chime in with the answer, but when I said, "and, Joey, South America is one of the 7 __________," he got it!