BLIZZARD

       Map was so out of sorts this morning! I was ready to leave for the shelter long before he’d shoveled what he considered “enough” snow, and he wanted me to drop him off at church on my way to town. Eventually, we put on our smiley faces and headed out—20 miles an hour all the way.

       Mine was the only car to come into the shelter parking lot since the snow began yesterday. Nobody was outside—not even a desperate smoker. The lady who monitors the doors unlocked the kitchen for me. It was nearly 10 o’clock, and Joey had not yet arrived.

       I had to take off my galoshes and extra socks, and change into regular shoes before I could put on an apron and approach the hand-washing sink. It was dark in the kitchen—an “empty” that I’d never seen there before. The radio was blaring, but I couldn’t find our C&W station, so I turned it off. The stove was cold... Where to begin?

       In the walk-in fridge I found tons of Christmas ham and other foods which had been launched a week ago. I put on a giant pot of left-over green beans and shoved several pans of food into the ovens. Joey came in around 11—all bundled up and looking just like the little boy I see in his spirit. He had walked several miles to get there.

       Joey had a huge pot of soup in the fridge that I had not seen (though I could not have lifted it anyway). While the soup warmed, I made dozens of ham sandwiches to go with it. One of the first pre-release guys asked for a piece of cheese. I went in the fridge and brought out a small pack of slices. He asked for an extra one “for his friend.” The next guy wanted cheese too. “You want an extra one for your friend, too?” I asked, and within seconds the word was out: There was cheese, and anybody could have two! When lunch was over, the first fellow came back to the counter to explain that he really did want the second piece for his friend... as if anybody would care... yeah, under his circumstances, maybe somebody would frown on such a situation. Heck.

       Our little gay fellow wanted chips but was gracious when I said I had none. When I found some, his eyes went wide like the moon. He just wanted some chips.

       So, Joey made the highest score in his class on his final exam last week! He’s excited, and he’s getting a new book in January—more spelling, more words. I gave him a 2 x 3-feet world map for Christmas—everybody needs to know where they are. “But I never give you anything,” he complained. I assured him that he gives me a lot, every Sunday.

       My new crush was there, and Joey called him to the counter, “Miss Joy didn’t get a chance to speak to you today, so you need to come up here.”

       I asked him how his 2nd week had gone, and he said it was good and that the time was passing really fast. I said, “Yes, I know. Every time I turn around it’s Sunday and I have to come back up here!” Well, now he knows there’s a little old lady who’ll be watching him and expecting good things.

       Two men were thrown out of the shelter last evening. They were caught sharing a beer in the bathroom. Eight inches of snow with more falling, bitter wind chill... and a beer looked better to them than a warm bed.

       For tonight’s dinner Joey has warned the residents that they’ll be having some déjà vu. In an effort to “rework” the turkey, we froze the fat off of a huge pan of broth, and I made gravy. They’ll have potatoes, beans, and stuffing. I appropriated some of the ham and turkey for sack-lunch sandwiches—anything to get rid of it. Déjà vu for sure. WHO failed that bright, bright child when he had nothing to do but go to school?

       “Miss Joy, I’m wanting to ask you something but I don’t want to ask you.”

       “What? Is it personal? Spit it out, Son!”

       “Well... I don’t have a ride home tonight...”

       Yes, Baby, you have a ride. Map and I will fetch him home.

       When I’d changed back into my galoshes and bundled up, Joey said, “Miss Joy, you look so cute in your galoshes.” Now isn’t that interesting? I thought he was the cute one—all bundled up against the cold.

       Mr. Wilson reminded me to be good. He said this Christmas had been the best one of his whole life.

       When I got back to the parking lot, everybody was outside! You’d think it had snowed or something! They were happy; they were out there just to be IN it.

       I gathered Map from church around 1:45, and we came home—happy people all.

AMEN AGAIN…

       Joey was missing today. Miss Lillian and I had the duty together—along with the gospel hour and a long, long sermon.

       Thankfully, we needed only 12 sack lunches and 15 PBJ sacks. Lillian made salad, hot dogs, and pasta for lunch. For dinner, she was heating roast beef, and steaming rice and broccoli. When she poured bacon grease over the steamed broccoli I was more thankful than ever that I don't live at the shelter.

       And, Honey, you haven't lived until you've stood over a tub sink filled with chitterlings (chittlins—pig intestines). Lillian was "cleaning them" in preparation to cook them for her sister. Several times she passed through the kitchen spraying air freshener. Suuwee!

       My dimpled one is gone. In his place (I swear) a new sweet face that I know I'll be drawn to. "Were you here last week?" I asked him.

       "No. I just got here on Monday."

       "Well, welcome!"

       This is the first week of his 6 months. Let's all wish him great success.

       I'm hurting today—there was a party last night, and I had too much fun. Lillian encouraged me to leave early, but I wanted to stay through the serving. She said the residents would much rather have me serve them than her… Lillian doesn't like those folks. She states flatly: "They're lazy. I'm sick of looking at 'em!"

       It must be hard to come to that job, year after year, schlepping so much disgust.

       Well—it's over. By next Sunday Christmas will be over. I need a nap.

SNOW …AGAIN

       We awoke to nearly 4 inches of pristine snow. Something about a new snow gives me energy I don't generally have—I was dressed and sweeping the white blanket off the car well before 9:30. By 9:45 I was trekking across the tiny parking lot at the shelter in my black, rubber, tractor-soled farmer boots. Numerous residents were outside (snow energy for them too, no doubt). Our gay resident said, "I wondered who would make it here today, and then I saw your Honda!"

       "Yep, she doesn't mind the snow at all," I smiled, wondering again how life goes for a gay fellow at a shelter where there is such a mix of folks. Apparently it goes well for him—his sweetness and his smile are always present.

       Joey had a HUGE pot of soup on the stove and a "surprise" for me! There were 30 sack lunches in the fridge. I made up the other 15 in about 45 minutes, and then made about 45 sandwiches to go with the lunch soup. We needed 15 PBJ sacks made up for our street folks, so I did those before I left.

       Our morning was filled with noise, but the C&W music took a backseat to the ice machine and other interruptions. Joey and I had more than 3 hours together, so we squeezed in a lot more chatter than we are usually allotted. He was excited about the 100 he made on his last test, and he explained to me the details of his getting a GED in a VERY special class of four. "Two girls, two boys," he said. "It's perfect!" I'd love to meet this teacher who is taking these children to meet their dreams.

       Little Sweetie came back to the kitchen after lunch, to take out the trash. I don't expect to see "the dimpled grin" again, but I did ask him to come visit. He leaves next Friday. I gave him a rock. It's just a broken piece of flint with a little dime-sized fossil in the center, but you should have seen his eyes as I told him it is flint (the stuff that cavemen used to make spears and arrowheads)... and he wanted to know how on Earth did I learn so much?! It's a piece of flint, for crying out loud! Where are young people sheltered these days? (Oh, right… tv, cd, wii… sorry.)

       I told him that the rock was probably a million years old and that it had been in the ocean originally, but that now there is land there where people are living. I explained that the fossil might have been a small clam or scallop, but that after a million years its special mark was still here on earth. I asked him where would he be if he went east from here, and he named a coastal town. "And if you went east from there?"

       "I'd be in the ocean," he said.

       "And farther east?" I pressed.

       "I'd be 'over there' somewhere," he stretched.

       He doesn't know exactly what is "over there," but when I asked, he said he had heard of the Eiffel Tower, and his eyes nearly popped out when I told him the rock came from there. I segued into how he, too, can leave something special on Earth, just like the little fossil did—do good things—leave something special.

       Dimples hugged me twice and left clutching what is today the most precious stone in town. Oh! How I hope he comes back to show me how well he's doing in the real world.

       Joey's not "up" for Christmas this year. "Me neither," I admitted. We're stuck in some dull place with no plans and no anticipation. Guess we'll need to make those for ourselves.

       Joey was nearly 2 hours at the chicken sink today—scraping off skin and fat. None of my skin-yanking or fat-removing tricks could lure him from his slow-mo custom. It's a long, slow job, and you can't answer the phone or touch anything else when your hands are raw-chickenfied.

       Being at the chicken sink gave Joey a bird's eye view of the street behind the shelter. There was a fire truck there around noon. Joey was glued to the scene. "It's just the usual," he explained. Then he told me that the building there was a "day shelter" for street folks. They can only use the shelter between 7 a.m. and noon. Joey explained that it was not unusual for a client to fake a stroke of some sort around noon because he had no place else to go. Soon, an ambulance loaded a man and left for the hospital. We talked about those street folks; they cannot drink alcohol or smoke or use drugs if they are using a shelter, so many of them stay outside. Occasionally, desperation and basic survival kick in. I don't want to know how that feels.

       There was a lovely woman among the homeless residents at lunch today. She'd just come from church. Her darling teenage daughter was with her. How on God's green earth did such well-spoken (obviously unaccustomed to deprivation) dear ones come to be there?

        Okay—obviously there is joy and sorrow, victory and defeat in that place… but those are also available at my house and yours. That we have a house is such a gift. My personal heart is full, full, full.

PERFECT TIMING

       Sometimes you have to wonder why things work out like they do. My plan is to go to a conference in DC this week—big doin's, cocktail outfit, special bling. I've worked hard to not get caught in the holiday crowds and to be organized. Today, I had three goals: make sack lunches and help serve meals at the shelter, dash to the mall to exchange a bling purchase, and meet Map at Olive Garden for lunch at 1:00.

       I figured the other volunteer would show up by noon, and I'd be mostly finished anyway… but none of that came together. When I arrived, Joey had umpteen cans of vegetables and soups on the prep table. "We're making soup, today, Miss Joy," he announced. "Do you want some potatoes to go in it?"

       Right there it was plain that I was making soup, and I love that job, but it's tight when there are sack lunches to make too. Still, the soup pot got filled and was bubbling while I rustled up sandwiches to eat with the soup and more sandwiches for the sack lunches. Joey was mostly missing during that hour—or at least distracted.

       It's bitter cold today and snowing. The wind is too righteous for the snow to accumulate, and the outdoors is altogether too bitter to tarry in. There was one pitiful shelter resident huddled on a side wall near the entrance when I arrived. He was too cold to even look up—no doubt focused on getting his nicotine fix. I stress the weather because I'm sure it had something to do with the flurry of residents who came to the dining room before lunch. They're not supposed to come in there then, but one after another came in whining, "I just need some coffee," or "I need some crackers." One man came to sit down and consume a sack lunch because he had church and wanted to eat first. Joey was trying to mop the dining area while all of these distractions took place. The church man could have eaten faster, but he was practicing his sermon on Joey.

       When the man left, I asked Joey, "What's with all the preaching?"

       "They all do it," Joey said. "When they get out of de-tox they find God so they'll always have something to fall back on."

       No disrespect intended, Joey was just giving me the facts. He speaks eloquently of these things, and I asked him where he learned them. He said he'd learned from observation, over time. We had a long discussion of the different ways we can worship and serve. Joey is light years ahead of my thinking; somebody needs to get inside his head and record the wisdom there. (And speaking of school, Joey made a 92 on his latest test and is ready for exams to finish up his first semester! I mean, wohoo, big ol' shout out—Go, Joey!)

       Anyway, we were mulling over the de-tox issues when Joey made a commercial message of the situation: "You don't need drugs; you can have this church! But wait! Call NOW and we'll throw in a little Buddha!"

       We stirred that enormous soup pot, added some macaroni, adjusted the fire, and waited. Not long after that Joey said, "We're having poke and grits—poke out your mouth and grit your teeth!"

       I was gritting my teeth because the other volunteer did not show up and noon was staring me down. I'd already told Joey I needed to leave by noon. I wanted to beat the church traffic for crossing town to the mall—twisting, turning blocks, with light after light. I could see that my schedule wasn't going to dovetail with "doing the right thing." So I told Joey I'd stay until the job was finished, and I'd go to the mall after Map and I had lunch.

       As it turned out, my job was finished by 12:30, and during the extra time I spent there, I figured out how to take the freeway to the mall! Yes, I know—late bloomer here—get over it.

       So I zipped over to the mall, took care of my bling needs, and was early arriving at Olive Garden! SWEET!

       Mr. Wilson. I heard a voice chiding me, "I thought you weren't here today!" And there he stood—grinning that sugar-filled grin. I wish he hadn't caught me off guard like that because I didn't have the presence of mind to make much of an exchange. I hope he wasn't hurt.

       Sugar Muffin DID get some attention. I even stepped into the dining room when he was near the kitchen door, and said, "I didn't get my hug today."

       He was startled and wanting to know what he had done wrong. Bless his heart! I said, "Nothing! I just want my hug, and I think you can do that!" Yes, he could! But golly gee darn… if you're walking around waiting for somebody to FAULT you every second, that's gotta be hard!

       Next Sunday is his last day. I SO want him to succeed. All we can do is tell them we believe in them, and then trust that they will learn to believe in themselves.